90 Percent Of All Fanfiction is Pre-Teen Pairing Nonsense
by symbal21
Summary: The Odd Jobs have landed one of the most profitable jobs ever, all they have to do is cover up the mess of a charismatic clan from Kyoto...by catching a vicious serial killer. Nothing the odd jobs couldn't handle, but they may soon realize this mysterious Mishiro clan may have more terrible secrets in their past that can make it impossible for our heroine to live in Edo. R
1. Tsundere Wins

_**Alright so here's my next project folks. This time it's Gintama and I assure you this will be completed. I've already written chapters in advance and plan to update this story every Sunday. For those who were reading "A Bond Beyond Worlds" ya'll may notice this is written a lot differently and for more reasons then just it being a different series. Well as a writer I only wish to improve so I'm hoping you will feel better about the slight change. Also, keep in mind that I started writing this before the current BEAST arc in the manga. There's not too much more to say except enjoy.**_

* * *

Innocence. It was exuded perfectly in the waves of dust kicked up by the tiny feet scurrying across the playground. Of course, not all the children were indulging in the pleasure of the warm breeze and song of the newborn cicadas. Some were like him and preferred the comfort of shadows. But where he was isolated to the trees of the nearby woodland, these children could make do with the shade provided by the school building. While the other's wrestled, chased each other and watched stag beetle fights, these sensitive souls managed to ignore the high pitched screams of their eager innocent peers and take time to draw pictures or write stories about what It assumed to be their happy lives with their families.

What truly captured Its focused however, were the ones in the bushes, hiding in plain sight with ridiculous grins on their faces, all eyeing the same prey. It didn't take long for the leaves to carry the murmur of schemes and the falsetto of giggling across the field, competing with the cicadas for dominance.

As the epicenter of all the commotion, one boy stood shielding a can on the ground, kept in place only by his foot. A look of ferocity was the perfect mask for his feelings of uncertainty. The boy knew he could be ambushed at any moment and chose to look excited rather than terrified in his naïve attempt to psyche out his assailants.

It bothered the one in the shadows, the whole thing. It couldn't stand how the child had the audacity to take a stance as if he was a lone surviving samurai protecting his aluminum lord against an army of insurgents. But it wasn't jealousy that overtook the boy in the shadows; it was his own feeling of familiarity with the façade of heroism that annoyed him. A trained eye could see those emotions slowly take shape and emanate from the shaded figure.

"You guys can hide all you like, but my dad use to be a great samurai and I have his blood running through my veins!" The boy atop the can claimed. "My senses are too sharp for you to get past me. Ha! I see one of you right there by the…"

It was spotted, and it had no mind to care. It just stood there, allowing its emotions to fully take shape, guided by the shadows of the trees like a stalking snake. The malice was palpable enough to make the young ronin feel he would soon be devoured.

"AAAAAAH! IT'S A DEMON!" The boy screamed as he ran back to the safe haven of his school building. Other kids soon followed suit, noticing the lone black figure viewing them from afar, with curiosity and hatred.

* * *

_Chapter 1: In Every Harem, the Tsundere Girl Will Always Win, No Exceptions_

_Hello. My name is Sakata Gintoki. My age is…not important. For all of those as my witness, I would like you to hear my story. I've lived the life of a samurai who strictly follows his bushido. I've fought countless battles, and have had many awesome lines I'm sure you'll tell your children one day. I truly live the troubling life a hero for the sake of the world. I've burdened myself with the lives of many but my soul has never wavered on the field of battle. I've sacrificed more than enough for my country and my people. Knowing that…I ask you.__** HOW DOES SUCH AN AMAZING PROTAGONIST LIKE ME WIND UP ON TOILET PAPER DUTY?**_

Surrounded by shelves of school supplies, silverware, appliances, bathroom supplies, bedding, medicine, and all other assorted needs, he couldn't help but feel stifled. What was supposed to be a relaxing blue textured wallpaper only reminded him of his misery. Stuck holding two bags filled with all the toilet paper in the store, Gintoki waited for the line in front of him to move. It had to have at least been an hour since he had joined, and the line showed no signs of advancing or shrinking.

"_I ask that freeloading brat to do one thing and she refuses to do it right every time._" He thought as memories of his morning resurfaced.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL? WHERE IS THE TOILET PAPER?" Gin shrieked upon seeing his throne room missing its crucial tapestry. He ransacked the small apartment turning over mats, pulling out drawers, and flipping over furniture desperately searching for his beloved cloth.

"Oh man I went crazy last night since we finally got some money, now the booze and Yakiniku are fighting a war in my stomach." He said clenching his sphincter in agony. "AH, and they're both using that triple layer strawberry cream cake as reinforcements!"

"Serves you right, you made us drag you and all that food in your gut back home." A curt Shinpachi said as he began cleaning up the mess Gintoki made. "I'm surprised you have anything left in the tank with how much you were puking."

"I heard that the bigger your shit is, the guiltier your conscience is about your wrongdoings." Kagura said as she scratched Sadaharu behind the ears in an attempt to wake him up. "You were really drunk last night Gin-chan, yes? Maybe you just need to do something good today and your shit will srink, yes?" She said as Sadaharu rose to his feet and greeted her with a bark.

"KAAAAGUUUUUURAAAA!" Gin slowly crept over with a menacing aura, arms outstretched like a preying spider.

"My first good deed will be erasing you from this planet! We keep running out of toilet paper because you only buy one roll every time you go to the store!"

"It's only because I thought Gin-chan was a noble hero who'd never be filled with shit to bursting,. but apparently he's the type of seedy old man who'd shake down little girls to wipe his ass, yes?"

"Hurry and get a whole pack right now! Who knows how many seconds are left on the clock?" he said, shaking the girl violently by the shoulders.

"The Queen of the Kabuki District will not be your toilet mistress today!" Kagura exclaimed as she escaped from Gin's grasp. "I'm spending the day with Soyo-chan."

"The shogun's sister? You can't just randomly show up and steal a member of the shogunate's family! I like my head on my shoulders, and my shit out of my intestines!"

"What am I supposed to do? Her family is supposed to have a meeting with some big shlongs from Kyoto and she's going to be bored out of her mind. I have to be her escape from the big shlongs!"

"Uhm…Kagura I think if Lady Soyo was in that kind of situation I think there'd need to be a different kind of reinforcement she'd need." Shinpachi quietly chimed in.

"I don't care about big schlong or little schlong, if this was a matter that could be handled with that I wouldn't need toilet paper!"

"What kind of argument did this turn into?" A confused Shinpachi stated.

"Hmph. Well it doesn't matter, if you have the freedom to gorge yourself on sweets and sake, then I have the freedom to gorge myself on Sukonbu and Soyo, yes? If you need to wipe your ass so bad go get it yourself, or get a bidet and save yourself some trouble. Goodbye."

"Wait Kagura are you seriously..." Shinpachi uttered as she walked out the room.

She left with Sadaharu behind her, being sure to slam the door shut as she exited. Gin was left speechless with a shattered look on his face. Shinpachi, fairing no better, could only soak in his own discomfort as the air grew thin in the awkward silence.

"So that's how it is, Kagura…you leave me no choice." Gintoki broke the silence. His eyes began to glow red.

"_Gin got calm so suddenly."_ Shinpachi thought. "_Wait a minute!"_

"Gin what are you planning to do to Kagura?" Shinpachi yelled.

"I didn't want to have to do this…but now I have to use…MY TRUMP CARD!" Gin said suddenly charging energy. It couldn't be seen at first, but its might could easily be felt spreading across the room. A great silver aura surrounded him, whipping up a gust of whirlwind to engulf the room. JUMPs were soaring in the gale, pages forced off the spine like a demon ripped them out and scattered them. Windows were forced open as if to roar out with power in Gin's stead, as furniture fled across the shaking floors.

"Wait Gin, wait! Kagura may have a sharp tongue, and sometimes she's a little brash but you don't have to use your trump card on her! Wait a minute, WHEN DID YOU GET A TRUMP CARD?"

The walls quaked in awe of Gin's sudden power level rise with every agonizing groan and grunt. Reaching its peak, Gin's silver aura became charged with electricity, and wrapped itself around him. Shinpachi fell on his back, unable to even approach Gin.

"The whole place will be destroyed. GIIIIIIN YOU'VE GOT TO STOP IT!" Shinpachi cried to no avail.

Before he knew it, the room slowly stopped shaking as Gintoki inhaled.

"**SIRUBAAAAAAA! SUFINKUTAAAAAAA! SHOTODOOOOOOOON!**" Gin announced as his aura exploded into a burst of light.

Shinpachi shielded his eyes from the burst of energy. He could hear the objects crash into the far corners of the small apartment like a bomb just went off. Even though he could feel his body aching he didn't dare open his eyes scared of what he may see. Against his better judgment, after a moment he slowly began to move his lids just enough to see Gin standing calmly before him surrounded by debris.

"He…he…" was all he could mutter as he opened them wide, still unsure of what he witnessed.

Gins eyes were closed and his body was stiff as a statue. He had one leg raised and his hands were clasped in two fist against each other just under his navel. The thumbs were pressed against each other as well, giving his hands the appearance of a peach.

"In this form, all of my muscles are contracted around my intestines and anus, giving them the strength of a thousand samurai." Gin calmly stated as his eyes opened.

"**SO YOU'RE JUST CLENCHING HARDER!**"

"A BM comes from the gut, if the gut achieves the correct form, then the BM becomes contained, and inner peace can be manifested." Gin said as he slowly brought his hands to his chest and made a circle around his heart.

"IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A BUTTHOLE? WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH THAT EXPLOSION?"

Gin dropped his stance feeling powerful, but certainly not confident. He slowly made his way to the door knowing this may be the last time he would step out of that room intact. Shinpachi furiously chased him into the hallway, refusing to accept the events that just took place. Gin paused before opening the door and lowered his head to the side, unable to quite face his dear friend.

"…This should give me at least 2 hours, if I don't make it back before then…" He then lifted his head and locked his tear filled eyes with Shinpachi's pulsing red.

"I have faith you can take care of Odd Jobs, Patsun."

"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF TRYING TO SOUND COOL AFTER DOING THAT? THIS ISN'T A SACRIFICE! THIS IS ISN'T THE FINAL BATTLE! THIS WHOLE FLASHBACK HAS BEEN A WASTE OF TIME FOR THE READERS, DON'T END IT OFF LIKE THAT! HEY!"

* * *

"_That was almost an hour ago. I can already see the River Styx._ Gin thought still shaking with anger. The line behind him continued to grow_**.**__ "Curse you Kagura, you may have the ignorance of youth driving you, but that doesn't mean you can treat us in our winter years however you want! What's this? Now I'm starting to sound like the old hag. Damn it! Now I'm becoming my own straight man! Whoever's up front, get moving already_!"

His rage was stunted for a moment to the sound of laughter.

"_Who…is…that?" _His now red eyes began to scouter the line ahead of him.

"_Who could possibly be laughing in this purgatory?" He said picking up a reading of 5 on one person. And what was with that laughter. "It was like that of a second year high schoolgirl who was just noticed but her third year senpai." He said passing over those ahead of him in line, none above -8000 on his charts._

He finally locked on to a happiness level of 9001, belonging to the young cashier girl herself.

"_YOU! Does this entertain you? We're suffering because you're stuck in romantic fantasies! Tell that young prick to get off the line! He's only going to leave you for the tsundere girl. Everyone knows tsundere always wins in the end. Men never pick the best girl they actually need, it's always the girl who's given him the most trouble, who's played hard to get. Don't be easy for him, damn it! This guy must be some bishounen NEET who needs to turn off his awkward charms and get out of his parent's basement."_

He peered over to the right of the cashier to barely make out the balding head of a man at least in his 60's.

"_...what." _

"Oh my, this is all so confusing. Usually my son handles the shopping. Luckily I have such a wonderful young woman helping me." The old man's cultured voice seemed to warm the store.

He stroked his long sharp gray beard which matched his thin mustache. He wore a yellow ko-dohfuku that seemed a little too big for his small frame as it covered his sashinuki pants completely. His arms were just as invisible, but from his demeanor and stance it was clear he had his hands clasped behind his back as his weary but soothing voice droned on.

"So many of the young people today are all about instant gratification and moving as fast as they can. So obsessed with pop idols, comics, and anime. It does my weary heart good to see that there are still those with such class to understand the virtue of patience and hard work."

"Oh my. I'm nothing that special." The clerk girl blushed as she carelessly passed items, missing the scanner completely.

"_Lady…you know that's a toad you're talking to right? You know a prince won't appear if you kiss him right? You know you're giving him free stuff right? RIGHT?" _Gintoki said, trying his best to piece together his sanity.

"Perhaps once upon a time, but it's been quite a while since I've seen such a model of a fine Japanese woman. I'm sure whatever young man you share your company with is the happiest man in the world."

"Kyaa! Me date? Father wouldn't allow such a thing. Besides, a young lady like myself shouldn't be having naughty thoughts about boys." She said holding her blushing cheeks.

"_Aren't you giving away a bit of your true self to easily? Your father has every right to be scared of what you'll do."_

"Ah your father still carries the heart of a samurai. It's a terrible folly of all parent's in this era, as they want to be able to protect their most precious treasure. When a man who can appreciate the beauty of your diligence and dedication appears he'll certainly come around."

The young cashier woman could only gasp in appreciative shock at the old man's words. Her eyes gently throbbed with both relief and passion.

"_Stop manipulating her daddy issues! Just where do you think you are a hostess bar?"_

"I really hope I got the right brands. Normally my son nags me about frivolous spending, but I believe I managed to do good today." The old man said, satisfied with the mountain of miscellaneous items he piled atop the counter.

"_That's 'doing good' for you? The only thing you're 'doing good' is robbing this store of its items and me of my time_!"

He began to calm down. "_Ok. All things considered, it's better that stupid girl is just dropping items on the other side. At least that will pick up the pace a bit. I could care less about the store's profits, anything that'll get this geezer out of the way quicker I welcome."_

"Oh my…" The old man suddenly froze.

The store was frozen in silence, everyone wondering what could have possibly happened.

"Well…it appears I've forgotten toilet paper."

A faint powerful heartbeat could be heard.

"It's the darndest thing, all I came out to get was toilet paper. Since I'm already rung up I'm sure it won't be a hassle if I go procure some quickly." He said with the widest of smiles.

Before he could even take a step, the ground began to rumble. People on the line began to flee before they were run over by the white demon charging to the front.

"**HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN FIT UP YOUR ASS!" **The beast roared, with a heavy swing of its bag.

The old man barely had time to notice before that man intervened. Before the attack could connect Gintoki's neck was met with the familiar chill of a blade.

"How did I know you were going to cause me trouble today?" The Vice Chief of the Shinsengumi said with his recognizable scowl. He was accompanied by a small group of Shinsengumi officers that surrounded the old man, standing at attention and ready for any command of his.

"Somehow I knew I'd end up running into one of you bastards today. So what happened? The gorilla grew a backbone and took his most faithful dog off the streets to stick him with security guard duty?"

"Are you ready for those to be your final words? The job I'm on now is of too much importance for me to waste time with you today. I'm protecting this old man, so unless you want to lose an arm, or something more, I'd suggest stepping back." The cold blade pressed more on Gintoki's exposed neck, as if it was marking all the most vital points to slice it open. Gintoki was unfazed by Toshiro's scare tactics however and he quickly stepped back while smacking the blade away from his neck.

"If you want to protect that old man you should be telling him to get a move on! Some of us don't have much time to spare." Gintoki said squeezing his torso remembering his pain.

"That old man can take all the time he needs." Feeling the situation had finally calmed, Toshiro sheathed his sword and lit a cigarette. "He's the head of the Mishiro clan." He said exhaling a plume of noxious gas.

"Mishiro clan?"

"I would have thought the White Demon of the Amanto wars would know about the Mishiro clan. They're a wealthy family of merchants from Kyoto known for their silver tongue. That man, Kigen Mishiro, became a daimyo through his investments and connections, but lost it all during the Amanto wars." As he talked Kigen was finishing his conversation with the now terrified cashier woman completely ignoring the assault.

"But they've recently made a comeback and claim to have developed a nigh unbeatable militia. They're in Edo now to meet with the Bakufu to discuss making Kigen a daimyo once again."

"And that doesn't sound suspicious to you at all Officer?"

"You think I'm an idiot? Of course it sounds bizarre, but given the mass wealth of the family and their history gaining power through negotiation and deals I can't imagine their rise to power is any less dirty then everything the Bakufu have done in this era."

"Mass…wealth…"

"I hear even the Amanto are involved. They were the most interested in their militia and probably pushed this meeting to happen. It'd be stupid to mess with any member of their clan, but there's bound to be assassins and joui terrorist trying to take their head. But as long as the Shinsengumi have been given the job of protecting the Mishiro clan members, no one's gonna lay a…"

"Like I said, take as many as your delicate rear needs. You shouldn't have to go get them yourself." Gintoki said handing his toilet paper bags to the old man.

"WHAT KIND OF CHANGE OF HEART IS THAT? DID YOU REALLY STOP LISTENING AFTER I SAID MASS WEALTH?"

"Oh thank you young man, I know you're eager but I'm an old man. Next time you come to me like that I may die of shock." Kigen laughed.

"You were going to die of something much worse if I didn't step in!" Hijikata said losing his patience with both of them.

"Oh I understand, having such a pathetic guard dog, your heart must be weak with fear knowing at any moment you could be attacked with no protection." Gintoki reached into his Yukata.

"You're the one attacking him! And how did you somehow make it my fault?"

"I'll be more than happy to offer my services. The most dependable man of the Kabuki District they call me, ask the shogun when you meet him, we're BFF's." Gintoki said handing him his card.

"You've nearly killed him on several occasions!"

"Odd Jobs Gin huh?" Kigen said bringing the card right against his eyes. "Well you've been very helpful today, I'll remember your name. But if all goes well with this meeting and my militia is allowed to carry their swords again, we may be hiring you full-time hohoho." He approached the counter placed the toilet paper on it. After a few minutes, 4 of the shinsengumi members had huge bags along their backs struggling to stand.

"Mr. Toshi, I'm all done here thanks to this man. We may take our leave."

"Alright then, let's go." Hijikata said grabbing Gintoki's arm.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm hauling your ass in. Spouting that much bullshit to the elderly is against the law." He said exhaling a fog of smoke.

"Go to hell you damn…wait a minute" Gintoki paused as he began to feel a pain in his gut.

"_Haul…ass…" _the disturbance in his gut gurgled.

Without a second to spare Gintoki swiped one of the toilet paper rolls he gave the old man and charged out the store.

"HEY GET BACK HERE YOU DAMN THIEF!" Hijikata yelled as he chased after him. He only made it outside the store before Gintoki was out of sight.

Kigen looked puzzled. _"The White Demon…how long has it been since those days."_


	2. First Impressions

_**So I said Sunday, but I didn't feel satisfied with how chapter 1 left off. I liked how I made it in the end but I really wanted to leave off on something that better represents what this story will be like for the majority of it, and the last chapter was pretty much all about the humor (it is Gintama...so not a bad thing). Like I said I split one chapter into two because it became too long and you'll probably see that these two chaps really make one at the end of it. As Always enjoy and leave those reviews so I can improve.**  
_

* * *

_CH2: First Impressions Have nothing to do With Your "Attitude"_

Gintoki crashed through the door nearly tearing it out of its socket. But he suddenly found himself unable to move.

"Something's….wrong here."

Shinpachi was sprawled out on the couch like a corpse. His glasses were askew on his lifeless looking face, as Otsu's latest song was blasting through the yellow headphones on his ears. Meanwhile Sougo Okita was scarfing down a Shinsengumi sausage, washing it down with strawberry milk. Without a care he let the sausage wrapper float to the floor only to be quickly vacuumed up by a stranger. He quickly proceeded to clear the entire room, all while wearing a cheerful smile on his face and a pink apron over his attire, consisting of a red Ji Baori vest with diamond shaped patterns over a white Kimono and blue Hakama pants.

"No I'm just imagining things." He made his way to the bathroom waving his hands as if "shooing" away the illogical vision his mind just created.

* * *

"Ah…that was definitely my toughest battle yet but I feel much lighter now. I feel like I can take on Frieza." He surveyed the room once again upon re-entry.

Shinpachi was sprawled out on the couch like a corpse. His glasses were askew on his lifeless looking face, as Otsu's latest song was blasting through the yellow headphones on his ears. Meanwhile Sougo Okita was scarfing down a Shinsengumi sausage, washing it down with strawberry milk. Without a care he let the sausage wrapper float to the floor only to be quickly vacuumed up by a stranger. He quickly proceeded to clear the entire room, all while wearing a cheerful smile on his face and a pink apron over his attire, consisting of a red Ji Baori vest with diamond shaped patterns over a white Kimono and blue Hakama pants.

"Nope not happening. I must still be fatigued after that dump. I mean, this is the Odd Jobs I've always known right? If something was unusual, Shinpachi would have already commented on it."

Shinpachi's eyes drifted toward Gin taking a few seconds to fully register who it was. But once he locked onto those unmistakable silver curls he perked up. "Yo is that Gin? What's good bro?" Shinpachi managed to mutter still laid out.

If one listened carefully, they could hear an angel screaming in heaven as Gintoki's face shriveled in horror.

"Go ahead, cop a squat, my homie here got the trash. It's crazy how you ain't realize how hard you been working till you put ya feet up, know what I'm saying?"

"Wh…**WHO IS THAT?" **Gintoki said as he felt a nail being driven through his balls.

"Oh, boss you've come back." Sougo said gulping down the last of the strawberry milk. "It's good you came back so soon, we need some more drinks at this table." He said shaking the empty carton before tossing it behind him. The stranger quickly picked up the carton humming cheerfully to himself.

"Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? When I open the fridge there'd better be more in there!"

"Well my client came to hire you for a job, and he didn't listen when I told him he wouldn't be prepared to see how the lowest citizens in the Kabuki district live. The moment we stepped through the door we knew we had to fix this disgusting apartment and took it upon ourselves to start cleaning it up. "

"Who are you criticize the house you're invading? You're just clearing out my food supply!"

"The place smelled so awful I figured there was something old and rotten left around somewhere. I tried one of those odd herbs and could tell they were expired immediately. Don't worry we already took care of that." He pointed to a garbage can filled with Kagura's precious pickled seaweed. "Luckily the milk was A-ok."

"Are you trying to get me killed? Leave me out of your rivalry with her! Even a punk like you should know proper etiquette when entering someone else's home! You don't just take food out of the fridge!"

"Ah. I thought drinks were ok."

"What old bastard told you that? Get out of my office and get out of my house!"

"Hold up Gin, these guys are cool. See I was working real hard like, then pretty dude came up to me and said he'd hold it down for ya boy."

Gintoki's hand journeyed across the room to Shinpachi's, stabbing his nostrils with two fingers. "Shinpachi! What's the third rule of working at Odd Jobs?"

"ALL GLASSES MUST MAINTAIN THEIR ONLY SANE MAN PERSONAS IN ORDER TO PRESERVE THE BALANCE OF OUR CHARACTER INTERACTIONS! SIR!"

"Don't you ever forget that again!" He fired the Shinpachi missile straight through the window, now setting his sights on the still unnamed stranger.

"You bastard! What have you done to our Shinpachi? Do you have any idea how long it's taken to mold him into the perfect punching bag punch liner?" Gintoki finally grabbed his attention by lifting him by the collar.

"If he's not constantly working, or being abused by someone more popular than him he'll become rusty! I can barely understand what he's saying now! Someone has to pay for this! ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY FOR THIS?"

"Oh my! I'm terribly sorry. I take it you are the Gin in Odd jobs Gin?" the stranger finally spoke in a light and innocent voice. "Please forgive my rude invasion, when I saw this house in such dire need of restoration, I simply couldn't help myself. Please, allow me to introduce myself."

"My name is Akari Mishiro, the First and Only Son of the Mishiro Family." He said politely bowing.

* * *

Kagura, painted in dirt, prowled through a small thicket like a lioness on the hunt. Without sniffing or listening, but only the most minuscule amount of intuition she burst into the air through a small clearing, landing with an expression of awe at the plateau revealed before her. The grass swayed in all directions as the strong breeze rushed through the field. Assorted flower petals were plucked from the ground and ventured through the sky, beckoned by the wind. Kagura's delicate looking frame contrasted the rugged image of carrying the enormous bag along her back that she was. As she flew across the landscape. Slowly, the field shifted into a cliff from which practically all of Edo could be seen.

"Come on Sadaharu! Soyo-chan! The view from here is amazing, yes!" She said realizing she had even left Sadaharu behind. Unsure of how far behind they had gotten, she peered deeper into the hole she created on her entry. As if expecting a hint, her glare dilated further until she caught glimpse of a white bullet.

He came in like a hurricane of destruction moving as fast as his precious paws could take him. If one looked closely, they could see a nauseated Soyo struggling to hang on to Sadaharu's collar, choking on white fur.

"Soyo-chan!" Kagura said realizing her friend's dangerous situation. She didn't run to stop him or even give Sadaharu an order. She simply dropped her umbrella, put her hand out, and waited. The periled pooch was forced to a crashing halt at his master's hand, knowing from experience no amount of velocity was going to move her. For Soyo, being sent flying over the plateau miles from the ground screaming in terror, …was thankfully avoided by Kagura who managed to grab her floral royal kimono with her free hand.

"Kagura-chan…you're…amazing…" Soyo complimented with her remaining consciousness.

The girls managed to settle within moments and enjoyed their time overlooking the hill. From there Edo appeared as an ocean of trees with buildings impersonating coral reefs, encrusted with shining jewels that managed to reflect the untamed rays of the sun beneath the botanic waves. This close to the sky, one could feel the sonic boom of the Amanto ships racing against the clouds. Unlike normal people, the girls paid no mind to the harsh environment and unloaded the hefty bag they had carried with them as their hair waved wildly in the gust.

Of all things, they were enjoying a small picnic. Of course, small, in this case included no less than 10 barrels of rice with all the fixings, an orchid's worth of fruit, expensive herbal tea, and last but not least some pickled seaweed.

"Sorry again, for Sadaharu going so out of control, he's used to having me on _his_ back so he had to work a little harder trying to follow mine."

"No need to apologize…the fact that I'm able to see you today makes me happy enough." Soyo said with a big grin.

"_Soyo-chan…" _Kagura began to notice her smile was incredibly forced and Soyo wasn't as perky as she normally was when they were together. She believed Soyo was genuinely excited to see her today but it was clear something was on her mind.

"To be honest…" Her expression suddenly changed as she lowered her head. "I considered asking you not to come today." She confessed.

* * *

"Lord Mishiro! Please make yourself at home."

The young lord was finally seated on the couch opposite Gintoki. His torso length black hair and soft features would lead one to believe he was a young girl had they only seen a photo. His eyes were narrow enough to appear a constant closed as he smiled an eager smile of just desires.

"Your tea sir." Shinpachi poured a steaming pot of freshly brewed mint tea in a small mug and place it on the table before retreating in his usual sheepish manner.

"It's amazing how quickly greed can make even the boldest samurai beg like dog." He quipped with his now bruised body returned to his apron.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear anything but 'my deepest apologies' and 'Dondake!' from you for the rest of this chapter after what you pulled."

"But if you're acting this ridiculous now, who's going to point it out if I can't."

"You should have thought about that before shirking your responsibilities and your brain. You've lost your right to be the straight man."

"My deepest apologies…"

"Please forgive my earlier rudeness Lord Mishiro, I was just surprised I'd see you so soon after I had a chance encounter with your father." Gin said as Akari took a long pleasant sip from his mug. "Me and him are old friends you know."

"Please the blame is all mine, I interfered with the dynamics of your characters without properly introducing myself. For this I selfishly beg for The Heaven's forgiveness." Akari said prostrating himself.

"That's really not ne-"Shinpachi was cut short by the powerful hand of a greedy Gintoki striking the back of his head.

"…My deepest apologies."

"I understand normally someone with my status wouldn't find himself in this part of town, but my request forces my hand. Even if it requires working with those skilled in moving white powder or making people disappear I will stop at nothing to preserve the name of Mishiro."

"Hey what kind of dirty organization do you think we-"This time Shinpachi's eyes were knocked straight through his glasses, causing his eyes to bleed a little.

"…D…Dondake."

"Listen lord Mishiro, we're more than acquainted with covering the tracks of those with a reputation to keep. Of course no one is above the laws of the streets." Gintoki said, suddenly wearing a suit and chomping a cigar. An anonymous cat also found itself in his lap enjoying a good petting.

"Of course, I understand and I'm willing to pay whatever amount is required as long as word of this request does not get out to anyone."

"State your request, and we'll see what…my people can do to support you."

"Yes of course." Akari said finally lifting his head off the ground and returned to the comfort of the couch.

"As you may be aware, my family has made a miraculous resurgence into power through the efforts of our great militia. It has been an arduous task in this age of the sword ban, but we have been able to sway the heads of law enforcement in Kyoto into trusting our family and our name to present them protection and justice. We aspire to grow this name for ourselves through our negotiations with the Bakufu. However, we understand requesting to regain the right to legally carry our blades in the whole country, especially keeping mind of the monitoring done by the Amanto keeping humanity in check, will make negotiations naturally difficult. Which is why we prepared a sort of…bargaining piece for the Bakufu lords."

"So what did you send him your personal video collection? I'm sure an offer like that would make old Shou even fight against the Amanto. AHAHAHAHA!"

"How far are you willing to go to make yourself look important, boss?" Sougo pitied.

"Not quite it's more of a bargaining piece."

Gintoki hushed.

"In Kyoto, he has slain thousands and was feared throughout the city. A petrifying monster whose skills were beyond any samurai or any creature. A criminal whose very existence is lethal. His blood carries the very essence of hatred and wrath and in order for it to be satisfied, he'll slay as many people as his sword can rend, and devour their souls."

Shinpachi and even Gintoki couldn't help but be shaken at the image of an Oni slaughtering innocents and setting towns ablaze.

"He slayed women and children, and bathed in a pool of their corpse's for pleasure. With the enigmatic grace of a shinobi, slitting throats before the victims can even scream in fear and agony. He was known…as the Dark Prophet, Yaboku. After intense searching and an even more problematic fight, our military managed to capture him. We brought him with us to Edo to present to the Bakufu."

"You guys captured a monster like that? Then brought him _here _of all places?"

"Yes but I assure you he was heavily restrained...at least until we arrived in this district…" Akari suddenly broke the floor with his skull, kneeling. "I SELFISHLY ASK FOR NOTHING LESS THEN THE FORGIVENESS OF THE HEAVENS! BUT HE MANAGED TO ESCAPE!"

"WHAT THE HELL? You mean you dumbasses let loose a monster in the city and you want us to capture him without anyone finding out? You must be crazy!" Gintoki burst out.

"DONDAKE!" Shinpachi concurred.

"I understand it to be a most heinous request for our own negligence, but I have nowhere else to turn. If Father finds out, I will not be able to hold the title of First and Only son of the Mishiro clan with pride, and if the good people of Edo were to know the most vicious criminal walks their very streets it would spread unnecessary panic. But most of all, I cannot risk the Bakufu getting word of this or else the only recently revived name of the Mishiro will be lost to history again. I simply cannot allow that to happen. No matter what!"

"If preserving your clan was that important you all would have done a better job of keeping him locked up or better yet you would have just off'd him and called it a day. Besides, if you're so hell bent on no one finding out about this why the hell did you bring a captain in the Bakufu's personal dogs here?"

"Oh yes Master Okita happened to have caught wind of our predicament and offered to help find the assassin himself without saying a word. As long as I promised to put a good word for him with the Bakufu to support him gaining the position of Vice Chief as well as a healthy sum. He even urged me not to ask you and that he could handle it. I admire his motivation to the cause of protecting Edo."

"The protection of the citizens of the shogun and his great people comes before all else, Boss." Sougo's words leaked out of his villainous smile.

"Who's going to protect the citizens from an extorting sadist like you?"

"Geez, jobs like this are always fishy. Listen we're not mercenaries or detectives or anything like that. Essentially you're asking us to find this guy and kick his ass so you can take him away and play hero. It's going to cost more than acts of humbleness to get us to do this."

"I told you it'd be a waste of time Mr. Akari. In this town you have to be willing to make sacrifices to get people to move. We should go."

"All is well Master Okita." Akari said maintaining his humble mood. "I understand I'm troubling you quite a bit with this task, so like Master Okita I've prepared a gracious compensation for you." He piqued Gintoki's interest.

"Hopefully it's satisfactory, but I can easily prepare 45 Sq. Kilometers of land for your ownership in Kyoto."

"What…what did you just say?" Gintoki spoke through an empty and leaking hole in his face, his basic motor skills beginning to fail him.

"Yes a great plot of land as well as a substantial monetary reward." He said as he opened a suitcase full of cold hard cash. The Yen shined brilliantly in the widened eyes of Gintoki and Shinpachi.

"Hey, you said like 'Master' Okita right? I'd better be getting some land in my deal too, Mr. Akari."

Gin slowly walked back behind the desk and pulled out a calligraphy brush. He took down his archaic "Mind Your Sugar Levels!" sign. With a splash of ink, a wave of his brush and a few minutes, a new sign "One Kabuki-Chou. Under Mishiro" took its place.

Gin then returned to Akari and fell to one knee.

"I will not fail you, My Lord." Gin said in his most dignified voice, holding Akari's hand.

"…A Samuraaai! He's become a true samurai with a lord!" Shinpachi exclaimed. "Gin just hang on a minute. We don't have any leads or have any idea where to start."

"Actually, it was recently reported that a mysterious figure was seen near a school playground. He was known for frequenting spots with children and watching them for hours. That would be a good place to start." Akari said.

"Seems this guy may be more than just a killer." Sougo added.

"So we're dealing with a murderer, a stalker, and a lolicon, nothing we haven't faced before!" Gin said refusing to lose sight of his reward. "If this guy gets off to brats then we'll lure him out with Kagura. He'll expect to lure away another brat with cake and video games, then be in for rude awakening from a pickled seaweed loving monster girl."

"Kagura? Is she also part of your organization?" Akari asked.

Sougo was clearly disgruntled but his face didn't lose its posture. It was clear something had happened he had been trying to avoid.

"Eh…don't ask, I'd rather forget about this morning." Gintoki said holding his head." "But fear not Lord Akari, with Kagura we'll be guaranteed to succeed. She's none too bright but killer or not, if we're dealing with a human then they'll be no match for her. She's part of the powerful warrior race, the Yato."

The moment those words finished crossing Gintoki's lips, Sougo and Shinpachi felt the air vanish from the room. There was a chilling silence as a new aura enveloped the once humble Akari.

"D…did you say…**YATO?**" His skin grew pale and his pupils dilated to a near invisible point as the question echoed in the ears of those present.

* * *

"Tell me not to come…Why?" Kagura said in a voice plagued more with concern than bitter feelings to the suggestion her presence wasn't welcome.

"L-L-Let's not ruin the time with gloomy talk" Soyo said embarrassed. "You've only finished one barrel of rice. I know that isn't enough for you. Let's dig in!"

"Hey, no fair Soyo-chan! Tell me what's wrong!"

"I'm afraid, Madam Kagura, Her Highness was a little distraught when she learned about the people who were asking favor from the Shogun today." A familiar elderly voice came.

"Ah…Grandpa!" Soyo said recognizing Rotten Maizou approaching the two girls on the hill he was accompanied by several men in black suits and sunglasses.

"Don't listen to Grandpa, he's become ever so senile. I'll bring him his medication. I hope he doesn't pass out like last time. A maiden's heart can't take it."

"Don't try to put me in the grave already your highness! Once again you've forced me to come collect you. Luckily I caught a glimpse of that giant dog leaving the estate."

"Hey gramps…what did you mean? Soyo was upset because of the big schlongs?"

"YOUNG WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE USING SUCH LANGUAGE! Your highness cover your ears!" Maizou roared.

"I don't care, what they say grandpa…Kagura-chan is Kagura-chan!" With a sudden retort, her voice began to fall to pieces with uncontrollable sobbing. "I don't want to meet people who judge others like that." Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Your highness please…it will look bad on the Tokugawa family if you are not present at this meeting. It would also be very bad if it was revealed you were sneaking out with..."

"I DON'T CARE! You should know too grandpa, Kagura-chan isn't like the others! The only way I'll go back is if I can say that to their faces!"

"It can't be helped, please escort her highness back to the estate." Maizou ordered two bodyguards.

"After all, if I hadn't known this would become a personal matter for her I wouldn't have come myself."

Soyo's cries to be released were soon out of ear shot. Even from afar Kagura could see the sorrow in her eyes.

"…Soyo…chan." She put out a hand, but found herself hesitating to chase down the men who had carried her off.

Maizou faced Kagura, knowing she felt out of place in the awkward moment.

"I'm sorry Madam Kagura, but perhaps it would be best if you returned home. There are some matters, strength alone can't overcome. I'm sure you're confused now, but just trust that you don't have to worry about such matters. Please do not waste that freedom." With that he followed his men and the tearful Soyo.

Kagura stood alone as the wind carried the food they were just enjoying off the hill. Far from tears or anger, she had a blank expression on her face. This wasn't the first time she's been abandoned, but it was slowly beginning to trouble her if it wouldn't be the last.

* * *

"That's right, a Yato! Seems like you already know of their awesome power." Gintoki continued.

"Mr. Akari that isn't a problem for you is it?" Shinpachi asked either out of concern or fear.

Akari appeared to be convulsing. He didn't look from the ground nor answer.

"You dumbass it's lord Akari! Just worry about getting the job done!" Gintoki urged.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." Akari suddenly whispered. "I was just surprised there were still Yato on Earth. They're a violent peo…no a violent species you know, and almost extinct. For you to keep one must mean you have immense power and control. My trust you'll complete this job has grown." He stated with a smile. "As well as my expectations." He added with a much more stern tone. "I'm a fan of the idea though, sick monster against monster..."

"…Mr. Akari, we should probably go, your father will begin to worry. We'll work on capturing the assassin before the meeting today." Sougo's tone demanded composure out of Akari.

"Yes…let us be on our way."

They began to walk out the room but Sougo paused before quite making to the door.

"I'll meet you downstairs."

"Don't be too long Master Okita. Please…I've begun to feel more threatened in this town than before." Akari coldly stated as he left the room.

Sougo returned to the Odd Jobs office to see them already discussing the odd exchange with the Mishiro prince.

"Didn't that seem a little odd to you. He was so kind and humble until we mentioned Kagura was a Yato. And what he said, it seems like he has something against them."

"Don't ask me. Why don't we let our friend her tell us. That's what you came back for isn't it?" Gintoki said, gaining a serious demeanor.

"So you're always attentive even if you don't show it, boss. You never cease to amaze me." Sougo began.

"It's clear to you he bears a strong hatred for China's kind. And it's hard to blame him. After all..." He faced them with a look of warning.

"During the Amanto wars…the Yato annihilated the entire Mishiro clan."


End file.
